I'm Sorry, But I'm feeling Cranky today.

Up until now, I have been sitting back, attempting to ignore something that really bothers me.  For years, I have been content to simply vent my frustrations by yelling at the TV whenever I hear it, but no more.  I can’t take it any more.  It is time to speak up and be heard. 

My plea to the News departments of the world is, “Please stop the slaughtering of the English language on your daily Television News programs.”

I do not consider myself to be a stuffy intellectual.  Personally, I dreaded every, single moment spent studying grammar in school but apparently the very people who sought out a profession where they would be in the public eye where a touch of class might be important chose to skip those classes entirely.  As a population we are ever so cautious about being “politically correct” in every thing we say and write.  However, judging from what I heard during TV interviews with accident/fire scene witnesses and the not-so-occasional public official, the typical American couldn’t identify the correct verb tense in a Police lineup.   But what troubles me the most is that, sadly, some of those on the other side of the microphone do not do much better.  Daily, I hear major grammatical mistakes that ring in my ears like a chunk of steel plate dropped 10 feet onto a concrete floor.

TV newscasters have, apparently, elected themselves “In Loco Parentis”.  Day after day they admonish us to:  “Wash our hands.” “Use sun-screen in the sun.”  “Dress in layers in the cold.”   “Don’t stand under a tree in a lightning storm.” But they manage to forget that people who cannot effectively communicate cannot begin to understand or operate today’s complex world.  If TV news is really trying to be “the parent” here, then they should be responsible parents and attempt to use proper English in all of their news broadcasts.  They claim to be “professional speakers,” so they should prove it.

To demonstrate my position, here is a list of recent verbal infractions perpetrated by anonymous TV newspersons in just the past few weeks:

  

The use of the word "Busted”

To the best of my knowledge, the word “bust” used in any other way than to describe the upper portion of the human anatomy as rendered in marble, is considered slang.  So, I was quite disturbed to hear a reporter say recently that a water main “was busted open”.

OK, I will accept that “bust”, as used to describe the capture of a fleeing felon, is now a generally excepted term.  But let’s try to exhibit a little bit of class and use “burst”, “ruptured” or even “broke” to describe water mains, and restrict the use of “busted” for criminal arrests.

Headlines

Newspaper headlines have always been terse.  It is part of their mystique.  These catchy phrases grab people’s attention and conserve print space, but television headlines are typically spoken and don't need not be so choppy.   Newscasters should stop sounding like Tonto and try sounding a little more like Walter Cronkite.

  

Verb tenses

When presenting a news story, is it too much at ask that they try to get the verb tenses right or, at the very least, make those in one sentence agree.  Recently, one of the on-the-scene, field reporters announced that a man was “thrown” (past tense) from his car and the car “lands” (present tense) on top of him.  I’m sure that this is, in part, a throw back to the headline legacy where newspapers tried to make the story seem more current than it was by using the present tense to make it seem as if it were happening in right front of the reader.  But the point is that the language doesn’t make any sense.  “OK”, you say, “It was 6 AM, the reporter had been in the field all night and just made a mistake.”   I can understand and can accept that.  My point is I really don’t need an “absolutely, right-now” live report.  The report is only a minute or two long, so just do it over, with grammar is corrected and then air the corrected report.  They re-tape for other reasons; why not to do it for grammar.

“Countable” Nouns vs. “Non-countable” Nouns

This next one I can’t really blame on the news media, but the news media could help correct the situation by using the expressions correctly.   The word “amount” should only be used in situations where the items in question cannot be counted.  If the items can be counted then a word like “number” should be used instead.  It is the “amount of money” or “the number of people”.  You wouldn’t say the “number of money”, so why would you say “the amount of people”?    

And don’t get me started on “less” vs. “fewer”.

There!  I'm feeling much better now:-)

That Eureka Moment

That "Eureka Moment"

We’ve all been there.  Eureka!  You just hit pay dirt!  All of your troubles are behind you!  Your future is suddenly looking sunny, but then you experience a full body quiver…what was that noise behind you?...And it appears that things are not quite as rosy as they were just a second ago.

I’m sorry to report that Carvin’ Tom is still otherwise engaged so this is another blast from the past.  I actually posted this carving way back when I first started this blog but I never actually said anything about it. 

The inspiration of this piece came from a carving that I saw at a local woodcarving show about 4 or 5 years ago.  The original was much larger -- and I have to admit – much more realistic.  It was a very classy carving of just the prospector and his pan.  I liked the character and finally got around to putting my own spin on it.

The antagonist was never intended to be a semi-realistic bear but rather a comical mountain lion all stretched out on a branch hanging over the stream eying up his “dinner” below.  But I just couldn’t seem to make that work.  The lion looked anything but lion-like and just didn’t measure up to the prospector.  Then I found a pattern for a polar bear that I could adapt and, with a brown paint job, a polar bear looks a lot like a brown bear, so I was in business:--)

Hello, Mr. Prospector!

These little dioramas seem to grow and grow.  In order to make the bear “work” I couldn’t use the spindly little tree idea.  I had to have something more substantial for the bear to stand on.  So suddenly the diorama about doubled in size and I was into building an overhanging cliff so that the bear could get a good “look at"/"sniff of" the prospector.  I didn’t want to have the stream run straight through left to right…that seemed way too symmetrical.  So I came up with the diagonal arrangement with some of both banks visible as you see here. 

The water was originally going to be just painted on.  I did some research on painting techniques but was not terribly impressed with the look.  I don’t recall just now what made me think of it, whether it was a magazine, a comment from another carver or perhaps a trip to the hobby store, but I come across the “water” used by model railroaders.  Out of the box, this stuff looks like little, milky, yellowish-white pebbles that you melt on the stove and pour.  I built up a little cardboard dam around the edges, heated up and poured in the goo. 

Unfortunately, the wood was so *cold* (comparatively speaking) that the goo set almost immediately upon coming is contact with it leaving me with a potentially “ruined” carving because, of course, adding the water was the very last step.  I panicked and reached for my heat-shrink gun. (Those of you with any electronics background know what that is, if you don’t know then just imagine a very HOT hair dryer.)  I heated and pushed and heated and pushed the goo around until it was at least smooth on the top.  The small amount of stringiness and cloudiness that resulted by the non-uniform heating actually make the water look more realistic (IMHO).  While at the hobby shop I picked up some Lichen and some pebbles to dress things up a bit more…some of the pebbles are also under water along the stream bed.

You can see the gravel in the stream bed

I think when it is all said and done that it turned out pretty well. 

Remember my comment about how these things tend to “grow”?  Well, although this piece was originally “sized” to fit in the curio cabinet, the completed work is too large in the wrong places to fit through the door opening of the curio cabinet (Dah!  I didn’t measure that.).  So, the prospector and his buddy now occupy a place of honor on the mantel.

One for the Bench:

         Whatever you are, be a good one. - Abraham Lincoln

‘Til next time…Keep makin’ chips!

Jasmine, the Sexy Frog

Since things just haven’t gotten moving at our house recently, here’s another Blast from the Past just to show that we’re still alive and bloggin’!

“Jasmine” is yet another in the series of Frog-related pieces -- there had to have been at least a half a dozen altogether -- that I carved waaaaay back in 2008 for a co-worker (You all remember “J”, don’t you?) to give to one of her “Three Dog Night Groupie” friends.

Not too much to say about the young lady at this late date.  The recipient was quite pleased but, from what I understand, has a persona quite unlike the one that Jasmine...well...exudes:-)

One from the Bench:

Know thyself, or at least keep renewing the acquaintance."

The Crown of Thorns

I’ve been very busy with family matters for the past many weeks, so carving has had to take a very remote backseat for a while. Things are starting to mellow out now so I should be back placing blade to wood very soon.

I really hate to go too long without posting “something” and it has already been over a month!  I thought this morning that since Lent just started perhaps I should post a picture of the Crown-of-Thorns that I carved a couple of years ago.

The crown itself was carved out of basswood but when it came to the thorns I knew with the cross grain that they were very likely to snap off if anyone so much as touched them.  So as I carved the branches, I left little “buttons” every place I wanted to put a thorn.  I then carefully drilled a small hole in each button, glued in a little piece of toothpick.  After the glue dried, I carved the buttons down to match the lines of the toothpicks.  The seams are almost impossible to see.  After carving the crown, I mounted it on a piece of Wormy Chestnut that I first distressed and stained a very dark walnut.  The dark wood really sets of the light colored crown. 

Even though I liked the results, It didn't seem appropriate to hang on a wall in our house.  It needed a much better venue.  My wife showed it some her friends.  One, who is a Pastor, was so struck with the piece that he asked to hang it in his church.  And that’s where it really where it belongs…as a reminder for all to see.

I hope you like it.

‘Til next time…Keep makin’ chips!

Yet Another Twentieth Anniversary…

Mayan Doomsday believers may choose to skip this post.  It contains blasphemy...

Although the Mayan calendar supposedly runs out in December, I am over the firm belief that nobody has thought of turning over the page, or stone tablet, in this case, to see that the world doesn’t really end but that there is yet another calendar underneath.

In a way, the same thing happened here.  I got back on January 2^nd from an extended vacation over the holidays to discover that one of the employees was to celebrate his 20^th anniversary with the company on January 4^th, Ouch!  It seems with all of the hoopla associated with the end of the year, no one turned over December to see that there was an anniversary in January. 

A celebratory luncheon was quickly planned for today, January 16^th.  Since I am the de facto woodcarving-laureate (is there really such a term?) of the company, I was left scrambling for time and a good idea for his anniversary award.  Actually, the time I had, the idea was the thing that was missing.  The real problem was that I had received too many suggestions.  Unfortunately none of them “jelled” into an overall design for me.  It wasn’t until late last weekend that I finally decided on the design and began madly hacking away at the Basswood.

As I worked on the train I quickly realized that I hadn’t left enough material for nose of the boiler or the cowcatcher, that is, the piece of wood wasn't really thick enough.  I turned a new boiler nose on the lathe and glued it on as well as another piece of wood for the cowcatcher.   

Jeff's Plaque - less Engraved Brass Plate

The engine is a very special one that can, apparently, belch out numbers.:-)

When I was done with the painting, I decided that the boiler looked a little blank, so I used PowerPoint to generate a circle with a number in it and glued it on.  That was just enough detail to break it up and make it look a little more realistic. But what number to put on it???  Why, his phone extension, what else?  So, you might ask, "What was his first question after receiving the plaque???

“What’s the 117 for?"...uhhh, so much for subtlety:-)

As if things weren’t hurried enough, I had a Doctor’s appointment this morning at 10:15.  That made getting here tight, but just doable if all of the Dominoes felt the right way...they didn't!  The Doctor's office was busy and I didn’t get in to see him until way after 11, I couldn’t leave until 11:35.  The party had started at 11:30, I was about 35 miles away and I still had the Plaque with me!  

I finally got here, fashionably late... just as things were starting to break up. :-(   

I had ordered the little engraved brass plate with his name and the date on it and had to run down to my office to get it while he held the, as yet, “naked” Plaque.

But finally, we could officially present the Plaque commemorating his now 20 years and 12 days of employment.

Me (inadvertently covering the brass plate with my big fat thumb), Harry and Jeff, "The Man of the Hour"

 

I’m too tired to add a “For the Bench” :-)

‘Til next time…Keep makin’ chips!

A Very Special Lovespoon!

My son “C” has been dating a lovely young lady who from Monchengladbach, Germany.  That is just west Dusseldorf and just east of the border with Holland.  “G” – her name for our purposes here -- was back home for the Holidays and “C” flew over to visit and popped the question.  So, it looks like we’re going to have a brand new Daughter in our family!  My wife and I are delighted!

Before he left, I carved a spoon for him to take along as a Christmas Present for her parents.  This one is not an original design – again, it is one that I have mined out of the Internet -- but I think is a very nice, delicate design.

“G” has already received a spoon from me so she “knows” my rules:  “Anyone who gets a spoon has to send back a picture of it hanging up.”  With typical Germany efficiency, she made sure that the spoon was promptly hung up and that “C” had the picture to bring back with him.  Good girl!

To “G’s Parents”: ”Fröhliche Weinachten!   We hope to meet you soon.”

The 4000th

 Well, we’ve made it.  Clear up to 4000 hits!  Thanks to all. 

The hit rate is still accelerating.  The last 1000 hits took just a tad over 2 months.  From what the site counter measures, it seems like Lovespoons are where it’s at.  

I hope to have more to show in the near future.

Thanks for “Tunin’ In” and keep makin’ chips!

I guess this piece really can’t be considered a “lovespoon” because it doesn’t have all of the normal lovespoon characteristics.  Instead, I’d have to categorize it as an “L’object D’art”, especially since I have introduced some color into the equation. (Note: the color is not quite as bold as it appears in the photo.)

Long ago, back in the dim, dark past, I found and saved a picture of this design with the intent to carve one for myself someday.  Back in November, I saw a spoon just like this (sans color) at the Dayton Woodcarver’s Show and resolved to make it my next project.  (By the way, if that was your spoon and I didn’t comment to you at the time, you did a really nice job!)

When I located my copy of the picture, I decided that, even though the leaves were good reproductions of actual maple leaves, they were “way too busy” for the rest of the spoon.  The original design also had one less leaf, leaving (IMHO) a big “hole” that detracted from the overall look.  I set out to modify the design.

I shopped around on Google Images and found a nice replacement leaf -- still a Maple but a different species -- one with broader points and smoother edges.  I incorporated the new leave and “plugged” the hole.

Recently, I have been trying to move in the direction of more delicate spoons.  While this one may not be super-delicate, I found that the section of the handle near the bowl was thin enough to flex slightly if I put too much pressure on it during the sanding process.  Easy does it there, Tom!

  

Color

At one point, I thought it was “done”, but my living-in, home-decorating consultant indicated that the spoon needed some color to fully bring out the leaves and make it go better with the walls in the dining room.  I didn’t necessarily disagree with her opinion but using colored washes to blend colors together has never been one of my strengths.  So I approached the idea of painting my latest creation with just a “bit” of trepidation.  Then, I reminded myself that it was “just a piece of wood” that in the event that I ruined it by doing a crumby paint job, I could always carve a new one.  So I plunged ahead.  I’m glad now that I did.   

After all, it’s all about growth, isn’t it? :-)

I went back to Google Images and found some really nice shots of autumn leaves.  I spent the best part of two evenings applying wash after wash after wash.  Finally, the color blending seemed to work and I stopped.  There can be too much of a good thing.

I think that this “toe-in-the-water” into the realm spoon painting worked, so I’ll probably do some more.  Besides, I just learned that now we need another piece for the other side of the dining room window :-)

One for the Bench

"Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny." - Kathryn Carpenter

‘Til Next time…Keep makin’ chips!

Hello Portugal and Spain!

For reasons known only to people who live there, I have recently had an extraordinary number of “hits” from Portugal and Spain…in particular, about my love spoons.

I’m sorry that I speak neither Portuguese nor Spanish but if there is something in particular that you would like to know about my spoons, like patterns or technique, let me know.  I’d be glad to oblige.

‘Til next time…keep makin’ chips!

New Lights for the Shop!

OK, I have been busy and not tending to my blogging.  Sorry ‘bout that.  I’ll try to do better.

One of the reasons for the time period between posting is that I have started to do a few things to update and streamline my shop in anticipation of reducing the time I'm spending "workin’ for a livin’ ".  I plan to drop back to only 3 or 4 days a week during the next calendar year to leave more time for workin’ in the shop.

The first improvement was to update the lighting that I installed about 14 years ago.    Apparently, on those rare occasions when the previous owner ventured downstairs to actually do something he must not have need much in the way of lighting because the entire 24’x30’ basement was lit (not counting the light at the bottom of the stairs) with just two, count ‘em, two light bulbs: A 60-watt over the laundry tubs and a second one over the workbench.  This would be “techno genius” had installed -- well, let’s call it “a remote lighting control system” -- so that he could turn on either of the two lights “remotely” from the bottom of the stairs.  He had carefully fished extended pull cords for both lights through a number of strategically positioned screw eyes so that they were accessible from the bottom of the stairs.  My! what a clever Gent! (?).

As you can imagine I didn’t retain his…er…uh…”system” for long after we moved in.  I splurged on four double 4’ fluorescent fixtures and added two new circuits to control them.  That was a big improvement but as time went by, the sawdust accumulated and the bulbs aged -- to say nothing of my eyes – I started to think that I needed to update the lighting again.

A couple of weeks ago I invested in four new fixtures each with FOUR bulbs.  And this time they were “Cool White not the overly dim “Warm White”.  Wow! What a difference!  It is so much easier to see now.  Short of installing a skylight, this is as close to daylight as my shop will ever see.

I did discover a bad ballast in the second  fixture...after installing...of course.  So I had to take that one down again and schlep it back to Home Depot for a replacement.  You can bet that I checked out the remaining fixtures on the floor using a “suicide cord” before going to the trouble of lifting them into place and wiring them in.  They all work now.  Nice!

Unfortunately, though, the improved lighting also makes much easier to see how dirty, rundown and out of date everything has gotten.  So I will be spending time over the next few months trying to update the work surfaces and storage so I can take full advantage of my nifty new lighting.  I have some ideas (some original, others, not so much) for improved tool and supply storage that I hope to highlight here over the next few weeks and months.

I also have a couple of spoons (read: “Christmas presents”) to post.  I’ll do that as soon as they are delivered…you can’t give away any secrets at this time of year.

So until I have more that I can post, have a wonderful Holiday Season and…Keep makin’ chips!